The next few blog posts are part of a connected series on the basics of child behavior. These posts will break down the basics of understanding problem child behaviors, why child behaviors occur, how to prevent problem child behaviors, and how to handle child behaviors when they occur.

The first post will focus on the causes of child behavior, also known as the functions of behavior.

​Every child has behavior that is good and behavior that is not so good; actually, every person has good and not so good behavior.  The goal in changing child behavior is to increase the child behaviors that we like while decreasing the child behaviors that we don’t (we’ll call them problem behaviors).  It is probably a safe bet that this post is not the first time you’ve tried to change your child’s behavior.  Perhaps you’ve taken advice from relatives, neighbors or friends.  Perhaps you’ve watched a parenting expert on TV or read other books on parenting.  Perhaps you’ve even spoken with people who are child behavior experts (like teachers or pediatricians).  Despite your best efforts you may still feel that you cannot improve your child’s behavior. You may feel as though you’ve tried every strategy out there but none of it works.  This feeling is common in parents, and it is usually a result of not having figured out why the problem behavior occurs.

This post will address why problem behaviors occur and how to use that knowledge to stop them from happening again. Behavior therapists believe one primary fact: every child behavior, good or bad, has a cause.  In the world of behavior therapists, the causes of child behavior are called the functions of behavior.  The basic idea is that nobody engages in a behavior without getting something out of it; that something is considered the payout.  As long as your child continues to get the payout from his behavior, he will continue to do the behavior. 

The two ways we stop problem child behaviors

Imagine if a child tantrums to get an extra cookie and sometimes gets the cookie, he will keep having tantrums whenever he wants a cookie.  However, if a child tantrums to get an extra cookie and he absolutely never gets the cookie when he tantrums, he is likely to stop having tantrums.  If the parent also teaches the child how to politely ask for the extra cookie, he will begin using words in place of the tantrums.  The most important part of changing child behavior is learning the cause of that behavior.  Once you know the cause of the child behavior, you have the key to change that behavior.

Once we know the cause of problem child behavior, we can stop it in two ways.  First, we can figure out how to replace the problem behavior with a more appropriate child behavior (i.e., teach a better way to get the payout).  Second, we can reduce or stop the child behavior by stopping the payout for the problem behavior.  If your child never earns the payout by doing the problem behavior, then there is no reason for the child to keep doing it. 

Discovering the Causes of Child Behaviors

Research has shown that there are four major causes for child behaviors.  The four causes are: items, attention, avoidance, and sensory. 

Child Behavior Cause 1: Items

When most parents think of tantrums, they imagine item-focused tantrums.  Item-focused tantrums include tantrums to get an extra cookie for dessert, tantrums to get a toy in a toy store, and tantrums to wear a favorite shirt for the 4th straight day.  The tantrums in this category occur because the child wants something specific, and she believes that she can wear her parents down until they finally give in.  Children who have this type of tantrum have often learned that, with enough persistence, they can get exactly what they want.  To stop item-focused child behaviors it is important to teach your child the right way to request what she wants, and also to ensure you are consistent.  Your child must learn that no matter how long she kicks, screams, or begs she will not wear you down.

Child Behavior Cause 2: Attention

Children will engage in attention-seeking behaviors to get some reaction or attention from other people.  Saying that your child is motivated by attention does not mean that you fail to give your child enough attention.  Many parents will instantly say that they give their child lots of attention, so there is no way their child would need to seek more.  Although you likely do give your child lots and lots of attention, children always want more!  In fact, attention from adults is such a strong payout for child behavior, children will often engage in behaviors that earn them negative attention (being scolded) just to get extra attention.  Given the choice between no attention and negative attention, most children choose negative attention.  Consider what happens in most homes when the phone rings (which is a time parents are generally not giving any attention to their children).  Despite the fact that they might get reprimanded for interrupting their parents, children immediately have an unending list of things they need to ask their parents or say to them.  To stop attention seeking child behaviors  it is important to ensure that children get zero attention for their problem behaviors (not even negative attention) while also teaching them better ways to get positive attention.

Child Behavior Cause 3: Escape/Avoidance

When unpleasant tasks are assigned to a child, she may try to escape or avoid them through problem behaviors.  For example, when told that playtime is over and it is now time for bath, children may try a range of escape behaviors, including refusal (“No! I don’t want to take a bath!”), verbal delay (“2 more minutes, please!”), or action delay (running out of the room, forcing the parent to chase him, thus delaying the bath).  Many times, children learn that problem behaviors are very effective for escape/avoidance because they are often sent to time out when they engage in problem behaviors.  If you tell your 5 year old child to come take a bath and he throws a toy at you, you might place him in time out for five minutes.  Your child has then managed to delay his bath by five extra minutes – so he actually got exactly what he wanted: bath avoidance.  To stop escape/avoidance behaviors it is important to prepare your child for his daily schedule so he can predict what will happen next, while ensuring he completes tasks at the expected times. Child behavior tends to improve dramatically when children know what to expect.

Child Behavior Cause 4: Sensory behaviors

The fourth type of child behaviors are those behaviors that simply feel good to the child, and may include behaviors like thumb-sucking, humming, and jumping up and down when excited.  These child behaviors can be some of the toughest to stop because even if you do everything perfectly, the behavior is a reward in itself.  Unlike tangible item, attention, or escape behaviors – your child is not trying to get something that you can control.  In general, it is most effective to limit the places where your child can engage in sensory behaviors and redirect her to that place whenever those behaviors occur. 

How Knowing the Causes or Functions of Child Behavior can Stop Problem Behavior

Each of the four functions of child behaviors has its own set of effective strategies.  You have to know the function of the behavior in order to choose the correct strategy.  One of the most important facts you will learn is: There is no certain strategy for a specific problem behavior, but there are certain strategies for specific causes of behavior.  This fact may explain why you may have felt that you’ve tried every strategy possible and none of it worked.  You were likely using strategies in response to child behaviors rather than in response to causes.  If you used time out every time your child had a tantrum, but some of the tantrums were for attention and some were for escape, then time out wouldn’t stop the tantrums (it might actually make them occur more because the escape-focused tantrums were paying out!).   It would be more effective to use time out for attention-seeking tantrums and guided compliance for escape/avoidance tantrums.  

Ready to start figuring out the function of YOUR child’s behavior? Click here to read the second post in the series!

Want to dive deeper? This post is adapted from my book on child behavior: Insiders Tips and Strategies for Parenting.
​