By now I’m sure you’ve seen all the amazing color-coded, carefully designed schedules for what to do while you have your kids home during the pandemic. The schedules are incredible. They really are. And there’s a subset of the world who is going to follow those schedules perfectly and have their lives go beautifully.

Spoiler alert: we are not those people.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m the queen of visuals, charts, and schedules. I live for structure, routine, and organization. You should see my pantry – everything is labeled and color-coded. No, seriously. But even as much as I love organizing, I’m not putting my kids on a hard and fast schedule while they’re home for two main reasons.

First, my kids are big kids. I have two teenagers and they’re past the point of being led from activity to activity. I can’t tell them to have snack at 10am – they may not be hungry. Okay they’re teens, they’re ALWAYS hungry, but you know what I mean. They know what their body needs and when it needs it, I don’t have to tell them those things. It doesn’t make sense for me to tell them how long to work on their math assignments, they know how long they need. My kids are old enough and independent enough to be able to self-identify their needs and manage them.

Second, I’m still working. I’ve been lucky enough to find a way to keep working even though I now have to work from home. I’m at my desk for hours a day completing therapy sessions through telehealth. I can’t go check on my kids nonstop to be sure they’ve completed their 1 hour of active play and are now transitioning to chores. It’s just not feasible.

That being said, my kids are still living through unprecedented times, which means they have no idea how to fill their days. School used to take 7 hours, now it takes 2. They used to spend hours with friends, but now they’re not allowed near one another. They used to have lessons and classes in the evenings, but those are all on hiatus for now. So what can they possible do all day long?

What we’ve instituted in our house is a daily checklist. It’s a lot looser than a schedule, but I think it’s more appropriate for our family. Each day I have a few types of activities that the kids need to find their own way to do. There’s no rules about how they complete it or when they complete it, they just have to complete it by the time they go to bed. The goal is to give each day purpose and meaning while still allowing them to be independent people who can make their own choices. Because my kids are big, I also wanted to give them a voice, so we sat down together and talked through what those categories would include and let them have a say in adding or modifying things they felt strongly about.  Here’s how we’ve broken it down in our house:

1. Do something creative. This could be cooking a new recipe, drawing a picture, writing a new song, choreographing a dance, or inventing a new game for the family to play. The important thing is for them to think of something new and stretch their brains as they design and implement it.
2. Do something helpful. Find a way to help someone else in this house (or the world). Choose to clean something without being asked. Make a meal for the family. Ask a sibling or parent if they need help with their work. I want them to step outside themselves for a few minutes and think about how to be there for the people they love.
3. Do something using brainpower. I know the kids have school, but it is 2 hours long. They can and should use their brain for more time than that. They can work on a puzzle, read a book, complete a brain game, write a story, or research something they’ve always been curious about. I want them to use this additional free time in their world to grow and learn in whatever way has meaning to them.
4. Do something social. This is tricky right now, I know, but that doesn’t make it impossible. Friends are still important. Extended family is still important. They need to reach out however they can right now – Facetime, text, social media, emails, or an old fashioned phone call. They can even play multi-player online games with friends if it helps them feel connected right now. The important thing is that they still feel connected to the outside world!
5. Do something athletic. It’s easy to feel cooped up and trapped and resort to sitting still, but being active is so important. They can take the dog for a walk, have a dance party, play driveway basketball, or bike around the neighborhood. What they do isn’t nearly as important as the fact that they’re doing it, being active, and staying healthy!
6. Do something intentional with the family. Yes, we’re all spending A LOT of time together. No, that’s not the same as choosing to interact with each other. Complaining at a sibling for singing too loudly isn’t family time! Pull out a board game, watch a show together, take a walk together, or just sit and talk. I know this is way more family time than any of us were planning on, but the reality is we’ve been given this time and it’s our choice whether or not to see it as a gift. In a couple of years, everyone is going to start moving out and going off to college. Let’s look back on this time as an amazing chance to squeeze in some quality time before that happens rather than a punishment we somehow survived.
7. Do something fun. In all this craziness, it’s easy to get overwhelmed. Self-care is super important, so I want to be sure every day has fun in it. There are no rules to this one – they just need to find something they love and do it. Listen to music. Watch a movie. Play with the dog. Draw. Eat cookies. I just want them to find joy in every single day.

We have a list of each of these daily goals on the kitchen counter, and as kids complete activities, they mark off the categories covered. If someone had fun making up a recipe and cooking dinner for the family, he or she could mark off “creative,” “helpful,” and “fun.” If the kids played basketball with their sibling and enjoyed it, they can both mark off “athletic,” “family,” and “fun.” The goal is to ensure every day has meaning, not that they complete 7 separate tasks.

Some days may be lazy days, and some days may be busy. That’s okay. There’s no rulebook for these times we’re living in and there’s no prize for parenting better than anyone else. When life returns to normal someday, and I know that eventually it will, I want to know that my kids got something out of this time. They enjoyed themselves, connected with one another, and felt productive. That is so much more important to me than knowing everyone ate lunch at the appointed lunch hour 7 days in a row!

This is our system. It may not work in your house or with your family, and that’s okay. I’m not sharing my plan with the expectations that it becomes your plan, but rather with the hope that you realize your day doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s day. You need to prioritize what matters in your home and in your family, and find a way to support those values over these next few weeks and months. If a time-based schedule works for you, that’s fantastic. It worked for us when my kids were younger, too! If that’s not your go-to solution, though, that’s okay. Be patient with yourself. Accept that it’s going to take all of us a while to get this figured out, but eventually, we’ll all learn our new normal and find systems that work for our families!

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