Many children struggle with flexible thinking. They may get stuck in their explanation of a situation and not be able to consider the idea that there could be another explanation. They may only be able to think of one way to handle a problem, and if it doesn’t work, they become instantly frustrated. They may only see things from their point of view and not be able to consider how others might feel. All of these are examples of being inflexible in thinking. There are some simple strategies, however that can help!

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What is flexible thinking?

Flexible thinking is the ability to consider lots of options when faced with a problem. The ability to use flexible thinking is based on the development of executive functioning skills. Executive functioning skills are those that allow us to plan ahead, pay attention, or remember what we’ve been told. These are the skills that allow us to actually use all our other skills. You may know how to get dressed, but if you forget what you’re doing in the middle of the task will be unable to put on all your clothes. You may know how to read, but if you have trouble paying attention you won’t be able to complete the chapter. You may know how to follow a recipe, but if you don’t plan ahead to make sure you have all the ingredients and allot yourself enough time, you won’t be able to prepare the meal.

Executive functioning skills develop throughout childhood, but in general these skills aren’t fully developed until individuals are in their mid-twenties. Although they may not be fully developed, executive functioning skills are present in some form throughout childhood. Children get better at planning, paying attention, and remembering information as they grow. For children who have executive functioning deficits, though, using these skills is obviously much more difficult than it is for most children. Children with ADHD, in particular, tend to struggle with executive functioning skills. Many other children, both those with diagnoses and those without, may also have executive function difficulties.

While there are many different struggles related to executive functioning, this post will focus on just one, flexible thinking. The ability to be flexible and consider things from multiple perspectives is a difficult skill for many children. Although it may be difficult, it is a skill that can be improved with practice. Children can make gains in this area with specific support.

This post will share information about a variety of games and activities that you can do with children to help them build their flexible thinking skills. For all of the listed activities, keep in mind that the activity may be difficult for children the first few times they do it. It’s often helpful to model examples of answers when children get stuck. You can also prompt children to ask for help if they are struggling to think of answers. The important thing is to keep the activity fun and engaging rather than letting children become frustrated or allow them to shut down. Often the first few times I play these games with children they will answer with “I don’t know!” Rather than let them struggle, I prompt them to ask for help and then give them a few ideas. They can then use my answers as models and either think of their own or just pick one of mine. With repeated trials, however, children start to understand the activity and become more successful at identifying possible ideas or solution.

Game 1: What happened?

One of my favorite games is called “What Happened?” The goal of this game is simply to stretch the child’s brain to think of multiple potential explanations for what happened before the current moment. You can play it by finding a picture in a picture book or magazine, pulling up a video online and forwarding ahead to a random spot in the middle, or even by looking around you when you’re out in public.

To play, simply identify the scene and ask the child to think of 3 things that could have caused the current situation.

For example, if you’re playing in public you can look around for something that you can see.

Maybe you see a child crying in the park. What are three reasons the child might be crying? 1) It could be that it’s time to go home and he wants to stay longer, 2) maybe he got hurt, or 3) maybe nobody will play with him.

What if you see a truck driving by? 1) It could be filled with furniture from a garage sale, 2) maybe it’s moving someone to a new house, or 3) it could be taking a child off to college.

It could be that you see a car on the side of the road. Why is the car there? 1) It could have run out of gas, 2) it could have broken down and been left there, or 3) it could still be there from an accident and not yet cleaned up.

Nearly any situation has multiple possible explanations for what could have happened. Help your child start stretching his or her mind by thinking of what may have happened.

What could it be?

Another great game to stretch children’s mind and practice flexible thinking is to ask the question “What could it be?” To play this game you’ll show your child a specific item and ask them to think of what else it could be used for. This game doesn’t require any special items, you can use anything you see around you or anything you have in your home. Simply point to or hold up a common every day object and try to think of at least 5 ways it could be used other than it’s intended use.

What could you do with a ping pong ball? You could draw a face on it and make it a silly action figure. It could be attached to a piece of paper and used as the sun in an art collage. It could also be used as a yoga ball for barbie dolls. The more ideas you can think of, the more you are practicing being flexible in thought.

Be sure not to let the child use the same answer for multiple objects. Kids will often get stuck on one idea and keep re-using it. They might see a paperclip and say, “I could use a paperclip to play catch.” That’s a great idea because it’s using it for something besides it’s intended use. But if they then say they can play catch with a pencil, a spatula, and a battery, they’re no longer being flexible. I only let children use an answer once during the game, and I usually try to play with at least three or four items each time we play.

How could I fix this?

Another great way to build flexibility is to talk through social problems and come up with multiple solutions. I find this game is especially helpful for school-aged children because this is often the reason we need to practice flexibility in the first place. Children may be struggling with handling social situations with their peers appropriately because they get stuck in viewing situations one way. Maybe somebody knocked down their block tower. Rather than think that it could be an accident, the child may get stuck on the idea that it was intentional. Because they see the tower being knocked down as intentional, the only solution they can think of is to yell at the other child. Practicing flexible thinking, however, could help them see that maybe it was an accident. Additionally, if they’re thinking flexibly, they can identify that whether it was an accident or on purpose, there are multiple choices. You could ask an adult for help, you can rebuild the tower, you can ask the other child to please be careful, or you could build a new tower elsewhere.

When working on this skill, it can be helpful to bring up common situations and have the child think of at least 3 solutions for it. I might ask, “If a child calls you a name at school, tell me 3 things you could do” or “If your sister won’t share a toy, tell me 3 choices you have.”

Make sure your child is not simply listing the same three options for every scenario. It’s also important to make sure they’re listing choices they might actually make. Kids tell me all the time that one choice is to “just ignore it” or “get over it”. Although those are great options, they’re not realistic for most kids. Encourage children to think of solutions they would actually want to use in the moment.

why work on flexible thinking?

Helping your child think of multiple options in problem situations can help keep him or her from getting frustrated if the first solution attempt doesn’t work out. If a child only has one way of solving a problem, they will quickly become upset when that one strategy doesn’t work. If, in contrast, they have multiple solutions, they’re more likely to keep trying things when their first attempt fails. Flexibility helps prevent frustration!

There are lots of store-bought games that also work on flexible thinking. For more ways to practice these skills, including photographs and images for the games above and a list of store-bought games that build flexibility, check out the 5-in-1 Flexible Thinking Folder. You can also check out some of my pins on Pinterest to see some games you can buy that work on problem solving skills and planning skills, both of which are tied to flexible thinking.